JOKES
If you have a Joke please send it to us!!
| At the commencement
of a recent world tour of Wiltshire by the famous SWT Woodfalls Band the conductor was
suddenly taken sick. At short notice, the band had to find a stand
in……."I’ll conduct", said the second baritone player and after a
brief audition the band agreed to give him the tour. Some weeks later, when the band had
performed to rave reviews and sell-out concerts right across Wiltshire, the conductor
decided he was well enough to return for the last concert. The second baritone player
returned to his seat for the start of the last concert when his mate on first baritone
leaned over and said….."and where the ell’ve you been"? What's the difference between a drummer and a
roadie? A Drummer is feeling sick of being treated with scorn and derision,and decided he desperately needs somes credibility. So he wanders into a shop and proceeds to have the following conversation with the guy behind the counter:
A guy walked into a music store and said he
wanted to buy one drum stick. What's the difference between a
catfish and a drummer? What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Why do drummers have 1/2 ounce more brains than
horses? What do you call someone who hangs around with
musicians? What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Why do bands have bass players? How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
What's the difference between a drummer and a
drum machine? How many drummers does it take to change a light
bulb? Did you hear about the bass player who locked his
keys in the car? Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20
minutes? How do you know when a drummer is knocking at
your door? How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando? I asked my drummer to spell
"Mississippi"... How do you know if a drummer's platform is level? How do trumpet players park in the handicap
spots? How many drummers does it take to change a light
bulb? What do you call a dozen drummers at the bottom
of the sea? What's the difference between a drummer and Dr.
Scholl's foot pads? In English: How do you know there's a
drummer at the door?
What did the professional drummer say when he got
to his job? How is a drum solo like a sneeze? Three famous trumpet players are up in an airplane. One of
them says, "I'll throw out a 100 dollar bill and make someone very happy." The
one next to him says, "I'll throw out two 50 dollar bills, and make two people very A guy walks up to the band director and inquires about
joining the band. The director says," Sure, you can join the trombone section."
The guy replies, "But I don't play the trombone." "Well," the director
replies "Neither does THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER FROM THE PERCUSSIONIST'S PERSPECTIVE Oh, say can you BOOM, CRASH During a rehearsal of the Messiah, at which the lead trumpet player had failed to arrive, there suddenly was heard the disturbance of chairs and the shuffling of cases. A rather large gentleman hurried towards the trumpet section where he was asked, "are you here for the Messiah" – quick as a flash, the large gentleman replied "I am the Messiah". Q. What do you do with a Brass Player when
he/she is past their prime? Q. So what do you do when a Drummer is past his/her prime?
|
A young child returned from his first music lesson on the tuba. His
father said, how did you get on son? Great said the son, I can play a "G" Next week, the child returns from his second lesson. His father said, how did you get on son? Great said the son, I can now play a "C" The following week, the father is frantic with worry when the child does not return home until 2.00 a.m. Where have you been said the father? Out gigging, said the son! Q. What is the range of a baritone ? Q. What is the syllabus for grade VIII baritone ? A group of western tourists are on Safari in the
African jungle. The jungle is so thick that they have to travel on foot - and all
the time there is the constant After half a day of this one of the tourists asks what the drumming means. "Rejoice in that sound" says the guide " for if they ever stop a terrible thing will happen. " The tourists press the guide for more
details but he refuses to say more of this terrible thing - it obviously horrifies
him too much to even think about. There was an instant of deathly silence - and
then the guide becomes " When the drums stop - Double Bass solo..." How many drummers does it take to change a
lightbulb? How can you tell a drummer's at the door? What do you call a drummer that breaks up with
his girlfriend? After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" "I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell." The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist (now there's a trivia question for you), the bishop continued his interviews for the bellringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?" "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother." Two salesmen are in a bar. One says to the other, "I bet you I can relate to anyone in this bar, I'm such a good salesman." The other replies, "You think so, huh? Well, sure. But I pick the guys." "Ok," says the first, "you're on." The other grabs the guy sitting at the table next to them and tells the first salesman, "Here, this one." This first subject is dressed in a three-piece suit and is carrying Wall Street Week. The salesman asks him, "What's your IQ?" "190." So they chat for a while about the stock market, particle physics, and Non-Euclidean geometry. "Ok," says the other salesman, "That was pretty good, but you still have two to go." He looks around and grabs a guy dressed in jeans, a tee-shirt, and a baseball cap worn backwards. The salesman asks him "What's you're IQ?" "About 100." So THEY chat for a while about baseball, cars, and the various women in the bar. "Fine," says the other salesman, "But there's still one to go." He goes to the back of the bar and grabs a really scummy looking guy in a muscle shirt and shorts. The salesman asks him "What's your IQ?" "About 60." "What kind of sticks do you use?" Johnny says to his mum: I want to be a drummer when I grow up! Mum: But Johnny, you can't do both. How can you make a drummer slow down? How can you make that drummer stop? What's the last thing a drummer says in a band? Why is a drum machine better than a drummer? A trombone player walks past a bar. Q: How do you tune two tubas? A repiano cornet player dies and goes to heaven (unlikely) where he is invited in by St
Peter. "Hang on a minute," says the rep player, "there aren't any soprano Old trombone players don't die, they just slide away! |
